Do you ever have those days where you want something but, you don't know what? Totally one of those days. I have had a rough start to the week, as many of us do, and I want something from my friends. But what? I can't answer that question myself, do I want people to notice my pain? Do I want to continue to look like the super hero. In a non-boastful way I have had many of my friends (who don't know me as this blog does) tell me that they can't imagine me vulnerable and in pain. I can imagine me like that, but that is because only I have seen it. This side only comes out when I am in this alone. I can't let my guard down in front of others, I am not sure why. Is it a trust thing, because I would put my life in their hands if I could, for it would be safer there.
I don't even know me anymore. I don't know what I want. Every decision is a battle of trial and err, guessing my way through. My body doesn't even know if it is tired or not after 64 hours of sleep deprivation. Why can't I decipher my own feelings today. Why can't I just take a little break from life. Don't get confused I am not suicidal, but if I could just close my eyes for a month and let life pass me by, then when they open everything will be set straight. I won't have friends who self-harm, I won't have a brother going into the marines, I won't have a friend who committed suicide, I won't have an anorexic friend, I won't be dyslexic and I won't have to keep any secrets. Is that a thing? Can I do that?
Where can I go for a break from life? (but really any answers would be much appreciated)
No comments:
Post a Comment